Tuesday, February 19, 2013

40 Days of Trial

Once again I am feeling so behind on blogging. I find that if I have pictures to download from my phone I am pretty successful at getting them out there; however, to find 10–15 minutes to sit down at my actual computer is almost impossible. But I have a few minutes early this morning, before my children are up and I thought I would blog about my Lent sacrifice.

I have never been huge about giving something up for Lent. I am not sure why, but I just never have. I once gave up wine, and did not know how I would make it through the 40 day. But this year I felt compelled and committed to give something up for Lent. I thought about it really hard and I really wanted to find something that would help drive me closer to my Lord. Lately I have really been struggling who I am and who I want to be. And I am getting away from the fact that we moved to Atlanta so that Ryan could further his career and I could focus on our 4 precious children. There is more to this story, and I will save it for another blog post. But recently I have been finding myself consumed with trying to fit in this new little small area of the south, and trying to make my house looks like something out of Southern Living or one of the many decorating blogs that I love to read.

One of my favorite pastimes has always been shopping, and collecting things. I am not sure if I have tried to make up for some void or insecurity in my life, or if it is just a disease. But when we moved from our house in Bentonville out to the Farm, in April of 2011 when I was about 4 months pregnant with the twins, I decided that I was going to work to become more of a minimalist. Seeing all of the stuff that we had collected over the 7 years that we lived in our Bentonville house, and realizing how much money we had spent on toys, clothes, toys, decorations, toys, and crap made me realize that we were so wasteful (and that we had way too many toys). I could not believe how much we bagged up to be dropped off at the Goodwill, and how much money (not to mention time) we had wasted accumulating this stuff. Well I decided right then and there that we were going to start focusing more on spending time with our growing family, and less on collecting stuff.

All this worked out great until about 7 months ago when moved into our new Atlanta house. Now I find myself consumed with wanting, wanting, wanting, and wanting. I continually have a mental list of things I think I need: 4 new rugs for my house, some new artwork for various sports in the house, some trinkets to fill my empty living room bookshelf’s, a kitchen table, a new washer and dryer, a new knife set, not to mention cute clothes for me and my kids. But at the end of the day does this stuff matter, I have to ask myself. I can’t take all this crap to heaven with me when I die, so I need to determine what the right balance is. And seriously why do I need cute clothes – the reality is I wear yoga pants 99% of the time because I am at home all day every day with three very small and messy children.

So right now for Lent I am committed to giving up buying anything that cannot be consumed, most specifically buying anything on the internet. I love internet shopping. Oh my goodness what could be any better than shopping in my pj’s while my kids are playing? I’m sure as heck not going to take all 4 of them to TJ Maxx with me. It was too the point where I was getting at least 3 Amazon packages a week. And oh did I love to hear that FedEx truck pull up each day.

Now every time I find myself "wanting" I try to push myself into prayer with the Lord and come out on the other side with my “wanting void” filled and repurposed dedication to the Lord. I can’t wait to see where the next 40 days leads me.

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